I haven't been this sober since birth.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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