He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is it fun? or sober?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
