My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.