Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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