i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
