she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?