he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.