Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?