You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?