i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet