how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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