I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
