My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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