I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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