Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
