fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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