Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
