You smell like a Billy Joel song
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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