So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No subtext here. People are naked.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
