I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
