What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
