David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
