I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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