I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
