I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
