toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
