Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
