I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
