I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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