The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize