i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
