I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
