My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
