there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Floor bacon is actually really good
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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