I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
