how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
