Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
