quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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