my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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