do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
