Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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