Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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