How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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