sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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