a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
