I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
