the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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