Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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