I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
