But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
