she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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