when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
