Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
