I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
