I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you would pick up someone in the library
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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