I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
