I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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