Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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