and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
