Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
