i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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