She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
