You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
