So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
