3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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