Jerry, you need to find god
Small penises have feelings too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
