how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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