Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
