Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
