he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
