so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
