She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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