THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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