My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
