I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
