I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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