when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
