White coat. Heels.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My cat gives me a boner
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
