Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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