I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
