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it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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