ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
