Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
