We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want nice things and good sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
