Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
