I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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