So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
40s are totally the cure
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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