Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
