How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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