haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
