I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
