I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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