Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
