It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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