So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The power of my boobs compel you
not ubering you a puppy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
