she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
