So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize