My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
