I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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